What I really want to say...

This posting is for my little brother Pak Bud.

dear little brother, you may wonder why out of nowhere I decided to dedicate a posting for you. Actually, it does not come from nowhere Bud, it comes from my heart. I have been wanting to tell you a little secret, but i keep hesitating. and my hesitation has taken tens of years.

dear little brother, i want you to know that i am blessed with having YOU as my brother. You are the best little brother anybody would ever want. remember how we went to school together way back in 1984? we rode on a bicycle, you pillion. That moment was etched in my memory, and it will remain there forever. remember also when we had our usual fights? I threw a slipper to your back and you cried. do you remember little brother, when we shared our dirty little secret behind a boulder in Bapak's lombong in Simpang balak? hehehe, i bet you do!

dear little brother, when i went to boarding school, we started to drift apart. but do you know that i always talk about you, in concealed pride? you know, i never failed to point out to anyone who would listen that i have a brother who is a "tokoh Pelajar"? when we became older, your qualities began to surface. you remember telling me, why Bapak seemed to be putting so much pressure on you to do well?. i don't know Bud, i cannot answer on behalf of him. but i do know one thing, it was because i always see you as "the Brain" amongst us. and you did well. again, everybody who knows me will know how many "A's" you got for your SPM. i was so proud of you my brother, and i still am.

Bud, why was it so difficult for me to tell you? it's just three words, so simple, yet so difficult. it took me 32 years of my life (and that's how long you have been in this world) to finally be able to muster the courage to tell you. I am so sorry for my ego, and i wonder, why it took me so long.

Dear little brother, I Love you Bro. and i want you to know that, if i have the chance to choose who i want to be my little brother, i would still choose YOU.